Navigating Transition

Last summer I wrote about the memorable trip my son John and I took to England and Scotland prior to the start of his freshman year of college. I was grateful for our time together, and we were both excited and a bit nervous about the major transition he was facing with the move to college.

John’s first year of college at Syracuse was a success in many ways: good grades, club involvement, and starting a podcast with a group of like-minded sports obsessed guys. But it never felt like the right fit to him. John recognized this early on, and despite his attempts to feel at home, between the snow and distance from family, John decided to transfer to the University of Maryland.

In a few days, John and his dad will drive to College Park, Maryland, to move him into his apartment adjacent to campus. He’ll make several changes at once in navigating a new university, social scene, and major. On the flip side, John will be 30 minutes from my two younger siblings in nearby Bethesda, and ever since his “double-digit birthday trip” to Washington D.C. when he turned 10, D.C. is one of his favorite places to visit.

As I discussed how John was feeling anxious about this change to a new school with my friend Merikay, she reminded me that transitions, even good ones, are hard. Several years ago, she recommended that I read a book by William Bridges called Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. I read it while navigating my divorce and job changes, and I recently revisited his work to better understand what John is going through.

Bridges reminds us that every transition starts not with a beginning, but with an ending, the moment we acknowledge what’s no longer working, what we’re releasing, and what identity we’re stepping out of. John has already done this difficult part. He let go of a college experience that looked successful on paper but didn’t feel right to him. And he’s figuring out what to keep from his Syracuse experience, like friendships with his fellow podcasters.  When one of those friends visited Chicago for a few days this summer from his native Los Angeles, John spent a few evenings with him and another Syracuse friend, a good reminder that not everything has to end when making a transition.  

Bridges’ second stage, the neutral zone, is where John is now: the in‑between space that feels uncertain. For him, it’s the stretch of time between Syracuse and College Park, before new routines take shape, facing all the questions that don’t yet have answers. Bridges argues that this phase is uncomfortable precisely because it’s transformative. It’s a time of reflection and when resilience begins to form.

And then comes the new beginning, which isn’t marked by the moment you arrive somewhere new, but by the identity shift that happens over time when you start to inhabit a new chapter or place fully. John’s move to a new college brings a mix of rapid change and slow adjustments. He’ll adjust to his new living arrangement, meet new people, explore new classes with his change of major, some of the important steps to help John to build confidence in navigating this major transition. 

Watching John navigate this big transition with Bridges theories in mind has helped me approach him with a little more grace and patience this summer. He’s working through a lot of change, and I admire his thoughtful decision to start again, not because the first attempt failed, but because he trusted himself enough to seek a better fit.

Often, when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.

Fred (Mr.) Rogers