Learning to be ‘A Little More Social’

Earlier this week, I wrapped up a Monday evening online class with University of Chicago professor Nicolas Epley. Centered on his book A Little More Social it felt more like a 4-week book club as we delved into topic of human connection and how we tend to overthink the process of connecting with others.

At its core, Epley’s book explains how we dramatically underestimate both how easy social engagement can be and how much others welcome it. The book concludes with a helpful phrase: Recognizing Easy Social Opportunities. This phrase serves as a reminder that grand gestures or perfect timing is not needed for creating a social connection. Instead, it highlights the abundance of small, low‑effort moments that we routinely overlook. These include having a quick chat with a barista, asking a neighbor how their day is going, or striking up a conversation with a fellow commuter on the train, one of Epley’s go-to methods of social outreach.

Another powerful insight was how our predictions about social awkwardness are usually wrong. Epley’s experiments consistently show that people enjoy conversations with strangers far more than they expect. The fear of bothering someone or being judged is often the result of us overthinking a given situation. Recognizing this makes social opportunities feel less risky and more like simple acts of human reciprocity.

Epley’s research also shows that these tiny interactions reliably boost well‑being, yet we often let them slip by because we misjudge how they’ll be received. He emphasizes that we’re wired to notice social cues, but we frequently override them with self‑doubt or distraction. In class, we had weekly assignments to turn these openings into social opportunities. He wraps up the book the chapter describing how Recognizing Easy Social Opportunities can reshape how we all can move through everyday interactions and look for subtle connection invitations from others.

I also found it interesting that his research shows you don’t need to be extroverted to become more social. Even introverts in his studies found they felt more positively after embracing small social interactions. And in our class, Epley encouraged us to treat these moments like working out. It needs to be consistent to get the benefits, and that these small, repeatable actions help build confidence and connections over time.

Even if you’re an introvert, research shows that experimentation with extroversion tends to make people feel happier.

Nicolas Epley

For me, one of the best parts of the course for me was the opportunity to connect with my classmates online, and to reconnect with a fellow UChicago Graham School student I’d last seen more than a decade earlier when I was working at the Graham School and she was a featured speaker at our graduation ceremonys. Epley’s message to all of us was clear: connection isn’t about effort—it’s about attention. And when we learn to recognize the easy openings around us, we can create meaning in the most ordinary moments.