How Much to Share

When my neighbor recently asked me where I get my dog groomed, I hesitated to answer. I wanted to help out her and her dog, of course, as well as the groomer who might appreciate additional business. But, I have been bitten (so to speak) a few times in the past by sharing with friends the names of my favorite providers, only to find that they became so busy they no longer had time for me. It happened to me years ago with my best babysitter. My friends shared with their friends, and then that babysitter became too busy for our family. This wasn’t the end of the world, but it was a bummer.

I don’t think I’m alone in sometimes wondering how much to share. Most people are inclined to help their friends when they can, but they hold back at times, not out of selfishness, but because sharing can come with unintended ripple effects. Maybe it’s a new lunch spot that you’re hoping stays peaceful, or even something more personal.

With personal information and feelings, the question of how much to share with friends can be more complicated. Even things we’re excited about sharing, like an academic recognition or a promotion at work, can be fraught when sharing with a friend if they are struggling with an issue at school or on the job. Or, on the other hand, friends can feel offended or left out when we neglect to tell them something important that has happened in our lives, especially if they end up hearing it through the grapevine instead from us directly.

Sharing and listening are inherent to friendship, and there are no easy answers the question of how much sharing is healthy for a relationship. Each situation deserves its own thoughtful consideration, but I usually try to come out on the side of sharing. Even though I may have been burned a few times, I tend to think sharing is worth it for a friend.

“The miracle is this: The more we share the more we have.”
— Leonard Nimoy

In the end, I did share the name of our favorite dog groomer with my neighbor. She appreciated it, and now we will have one more gorgeously coiffed dog on the block!

What are your thoughts on how much to share with friends? Have you ever been burned? Was it worth it?