Being Present

Spring is my favorite season, but it can also be a stressful season for me. While I love the longer days and seeing flowers budding on the trees, it seems the commitments tend to stack up as well. This May I have two university reunions, a destination wedding, and one milestone birthday celebration in my hometown of Lexington, Kentucky. With that schedule, my bed (and cat) might not recognize me come June.

Sara and I started this blog in part as a response to the pandemic when connections and friendships were tested by social distancing. By late 2020, we noticed that many of us grew a little too fond of cocooning at home, and we wanted to build awareness of the importance of friendships. Since then, interest in the topic of social connections has grown with numerous podcasts and books sharing insights and inspirations. But I recently had a 2019 moment, feeling a bit overwhelmed instead of excited by my upcoming weekends.

As I reflected on my anticipation of these events more, I realized I was thinking more about the logistics than the experience. As I started to reframe this, envisioning how great it will feel to reminisce and laugh with my Chicago Booth business school classmates one weekend and toast my nephew at his beachside wedding the next, I started to feel better.

It reminded me of the times we’re with other people without truly being with them. When we’re busy, our minds can be on what’s next, while being fully present is a meaningful gift for ourselves and those we’re with. Being present with others starts with focusing attention, putting the phone down, making eye contact, and listening without thinking ahead to what we want to say.

While commuting this week, I listened to a podcast featuring Stanford lecturer Dave Evans, who co-authored Designing Your Life, described as ‘a book that shows you how to build—design—a life you can thrive in, at any age or stage,’ borrowing some principles of design thinking. In the podcast Evans cautions that many of us approach life as something we need to ‘figure out,’ which can impact our happiness and our relationships. Tuning in to others in the moment helps us learn more about those we’re with, and about ourselves.

Design thinking is a concept I first learned about in my marketing job years ago at PepsiCo. I didn’t realize then how the emphasis on empathy would apply not only to designing new flavors for Gatorade, but also to how we can approach relationships and experiences. Making others feel seen is an act of generosity informed by empathy. These moments may seem small, but they shape connection, belonging, and meaning.

Last summer I witnessed this kind of empathy when a retired pro football player met dozens of my colleagues at an event in our office. He had just wrapped up filming a long interview with our CEO and had a few other commitments before heading to the airport. The reason for his visit was his close personal tie to my company; he had one of our cardiovascular devices implanted in his heart. He credits this device for helping his recovery from a stroke in his 30s and enabling him to play professional football again.

We had scheduled a bit of time for him to sign autographs and take photos with some of our employees in the building prior to lunch. These interactions can often be quite impersonal, but not for our guest. He made eye contact while shaking each person’s hand, asking what they did for the company, then thanking them for their impact on his life and the millions of patients they’ll never meet.

His decision to be present and focus on each person was authentic and meaningful. He exemplified a concept Evans discussed on the podcast, that a well-designed life is not a perfect one, but an engaged one.  He found connection with strangers, making them feel significant in his own health journey.

As May unfolds, I hope to carry that same spirit of presence into every reunion, celebration, and connection opportunity this month. If I can stay open to the people and moments waiting for me, I know this busy month will leave me feeling more connected.

Forever is composed of nows.

Emily Dickenson