Next month I have two major milestones: my 30th reunion with my MBA classmates from University of Chicago, and my 35th from Tufts University. Separated by two weeks and 900 miles, I’ll first join my Chicago Booth classmates at a dinner not far from home in downtown Chicago and then later fly to Boston to reconnect with my fellow Jumbos on the beautiful suburban campus there.
These upcoming gatherings have me thinking about what helps friendships last—despite busy seasons, long distances, and the many ways life pulls us in different directions. While I’ve only remained close with a small number of people from college and grad school, I still cherish the many friendships made during these formative times. I look forward to seeing these friends again and reestablishing connections with some others as well.
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
— Elisabeth Foley
While it can be a little intimidating to try and rebuild a connection that’s lapsed, Sara and I have written about how there’s not expiration date when it comes to friendship. In her post Reconnecting After a Pause – Language of Friendship, Sara wrote: “My advice is never to worry about how much time has gone by and whether it’s too late to reach out to someone you haven’t spoken with in a while.”
As these reunions approach, I’m reminded that friendship isn’t measured by uninterrupted contact but by the ways we find one another again. The evidence is clear that people long for deeper connection. As reported by the American Friendship Project in late 2024, “Americans long for greater closeness with friends; though over 75% were satisfied with the number of friends they had, over 40% felt they were not as close to their friends as they would like.”
This research is backed up by lived experience, like that of my mom’s close friend Lucretia. They first met as young, newlywed teachers at a Catholic school in Lexington, Kentucky, then reconnected a dozen years later after my family returned from a move to Arlington, Virginia. As Lucretia shared about her decades-long friendship with my mom, “When she moved back, we’d get together with a few other couples, play cards, stupid games and laugh up a storm. And the kids would play in the basement for hours.”
Recently, on a long-overdue weekday visit to my local Starbucks to see my “Starbucks crew,” I was reminded that the important thing to remember is being open to reconnecting without judgment. In the 2.5 years since I started my job with Abbott, requiring me to be onsite every day, I’ve not been in regular touch with this group. On a recent rare day I worked from home, I decided to seek them out, feeling a little awkward about not having managed to make more frequent trips to visit with them. Yet, when I walked in to get pick up my order, they beckoned me to their table. I saw genuine pleasure on their faces as they asked about my job, my boys, and my life as a newlywed. That brief visit reminded me that real connection simply picks up where we left off.
Language of Friendship 
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