Remembering Friendship

Last weekend I flew from Chicago to Washington, DC, for a 36-hour visit with family. Some might find quick trips like this one to be stressful, but it felt restorative for me. I spent time with my mom and younger siblings, and I returned to a place that still feels like home. Although my family moved to Kentucky from the DC area more than 40 years ago, the area brings back many memories of time with family and friends.  

In an earlier post, I wrote about my mom’s friendship with her Kentucky bestie Lucretia Thomas that has thrived since the 1960s. Their friendship inspired my siblings and me to stay connected with good friends despite distance. My family relocated to Arlington, Virginia, in early 1969, where my mom met Carol Krauth, another of my mom’s lifelong dear friends. The Krauths were a growing family living across the street from us, and our family shared many meals, playdates, and holiday traditions with them.

When my family moved back to Kentucky in 1980, my parents made it a point to regularly visit the Krauths and other friends still in Arlington. Similar to my family’s relationship with the Thomas family in Kentucky, the Krauths became an extension of our family in Virginia, with Carol as a favorite aunt. When my younger siblings moved back to the DC area about six years ago, this meaningful connection with Carol and her family quickly became one of the best parts of their return to the area.

Two years ago, we moved my mom from her senior home in Boston to the DC suburban town where my siblings now live. She could be near her youngest grandchildren, and thanks to the wheelchair ramps my brother and sister procured for their respective minivans, my mom could attend sporting events, plays, and other musical performances her family members participated in.

My mom is turning 89 in a few weeks, an age we feared she might not reach after she suffered a major stroke in 2014 that worsened her dementia and confined her to a wheelchair. Despite her limitations, including an inability to communicate well, my mom seems happy. She shows great joy when spending time with family and friends. Research has long shown that the emotional boost dementia patients experience from spending time with friends lingers despite the inability to recall the recent interaction

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Walter Winchell

I wrote earlier about the positive impact that social connections have on longevity, but it can be a struggle for some to know how to interact with someone suffering from dementia. In order to improve the wellbeing for those living with dementia, the organization Dementia Friends is on a mission to build a “global movement that is changing the way people think, act and talk about dementia.”

Research also supports the benefits of music to those suffering from memory loss. I recently read about the One Voice dementia choir in the UK, comprised of adults living with dementia, many of whom have limited speech, but are able to sing long-familiar lyrics perfectly. The article notes the study from the medical journal, the Lancet, that “revealed music’s incredible power to improve the lives of the people living with dementia across the UK,” and showed that “music therapy reduces agitation and the need for medication in 67% of people with dementia.”

Music has long been a connection between my mom and Carol Krauth. They both sang in choirs during their time as neighbors and share an affinity for all varieties of Christmas music. My visit last weekend happened to coincide with a Bethesda-based community band performance featuring excerpts from Handel’s Messiah. My sister Liz plays the clarinet in the band, so it was a great opportunity to get my mom out for an afternoon of music and community. In addition to several of my nieces and nephews attending the performance, my mom’s good friend Carol made the trip over from Arlington to enjoy the music with my mother.

They held hands during the intermission then attempted to follow along with the singing of Messiah. When the performance ended, there were hugs and kisses, making clear that mutual affection has never wavered over the years. A true joy for all of us to behold during the holiday season and beyond.