📚Living the ‘Good Life’

What does a research study that began 85 years ago tell us about living a ‘good life?’ Apparently, quite a lot. The Harvard Study of Adult Development (HSAD or the Study), a longitudinal research study that began in 1938 and tracked more than 700 individuals for over eight decades, was structured with singular goal in mind: “Enable people to live healthier lives filled with meaning, connection, and purpose.”

Our culture places so much emphasis on money, fame and material goods that you might think these things would be the necessary ingredients for building a meaningful life. Not so, according to the Study, which identified a very different criteria for living a fulfilling life: “Good relationships lead to health and happiness.”

The languageoffriendship.com has explored the impact of friendships, day-to-day connections, and other quality relationships on our well-being since our early 2021 launch. We have shared our own personal experiences as well as research-based evidence about the impact of connection on our health and wellness. Our interest has also extended into the health risks that occur when relationships are lacking. For example, the Surgeon General detailed this problem in the public health advisory he issued about the loneliness epidemic. Given our focus on the importance of relationships, the Study’s findings make perfect sense to us.

The Study’s leaders released their findings in a book called The Good Life early last year. The authors, Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD, distilled more than 80 years of research into perspective on how to “create a more meaningful and satisfying life.” The book shares insights on study participants’ lives through the lens of the study that, at regular intervals, asked questions about their careers, families, friendships, and aspects of daily life that can influence a sense of purpose and satisfaction.   

People who are more connected to family, to friends, and to community, are happier and physically healthier than people who are less well connected.

Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD – authors of The Good Life

The first chapter addresses the fact that the book is a discrete sample of adults in the United States. Initially drawing from young men enrolled at Harvard, over time it expanded to include teen boys living in a less well-off area of Boston. For decades, Study participants were white males exclusively hailing from one of these two groups. While the sample size grew over time to include more than 1,300 of the study participants’ descendants of both genders, it was still a limited sample.

So, when publishing the book, the authors looked to other research studies to confirm or deny their findings. In short, the HSAD is corroborated by other studies that “bear witness to the importance of human connection.” While the data that informs the findings in The Good Life is plentiful, the personal stories of study participants and the interspersion of study questions and responses made the book very readable to me.

In a world full of uncertainty, The Good Life shows us how Study participants who leaned into relationships during challenging times were able to thrive. Throughout the book, we learn about Leo DeMarco, a Harvard graduate and aspiring writer who became a high school teacher when he moved home to care for his ailing mother following WWII. Leo quickly made peace with this diversion in his life path, met and married a woman he loved deeply and similarly committed himself to teaching, impacting thousands of young lives throughout his career.

Der mentsh trakht, un Got lakht (Man plans, and God laughs)

Yiddish proverb

Leo’s life contrasts with another study participant, John Mardsen, who attained more professional and financial success but was “one of the least happy” participants in the Study.  John’s life is focused on self, achievement, and outward measures of success. He struggles with love, and his coping style is individualistic, believing that any problems he faces are his and his alone to work through. 

The book underscores the importance of coping styles and how those impact relationships, as well as the value of being able to, “seek and accept help” from others. Working through challenges with loved ones, and not seeing self as ‘a potential burden on others’ were important aspects of Leo’s happy life, allowing his relationships to deepen and thrive. 

Another key takeaway from this book is that participating in the Study seemed to enrich the lives of the subjects. In a similar vein, it’s evident that the collaborative work of the book’s co-authors has led to a deep and fulfilling relationship between the two of them. Over time, participants became connected to the Study, evidenced by high participation rates of 85% over the years. As the original Study participants aged, their children were asked to participate. Like their parents, many complied as they appreciated that, “people have a genuine interest in their experience.”  

The book includes tips on how to create a more connected life, encouraging the reader to pause and evaluate one’s relationships with candor. This mindful approach to exploring connection can be challenging in a busy world filled with external stimuli. But the authors stress that it’s important to, “notice where you are,” to be able to identify what relationships may need tending to. And by doing so, asking a simple question that is one of the secrets to living a good life, “Are you spending time with the people you most care about?”