When I first started dating my husband Mark more than five years ago, one of the things that drew me in was how connected he remained to his closest college friends. They’d celebrated milestones, weathered difficult transitions, and somehow kept showing up for one another across decades.
Their friendship story began more than 45 years ago, when Mark arrived at Notre Dame and was assigned to Fisher Hall, his home for the next four years. He was one of only a few students from his Wisconsin high school to leave the state for college, with a scholarship opening the door to the prestigious university so many Catholic parents dream of for their children.
Not long after moving in, Mark met his dormmate Kevin, hailing from the Chicago suburbs and sharing Mark’s offbeat sense of humor. During senior year, Mike, a fellow accounting major headed to Chicago for his first job, asked Mark about possibly rooming with him. They’d only known each other in passing, since Mike lived across the quad in Morrissey Hall, but soon Mark, Mike, and Kevin rented a place together in the city. Once in Chicago, they began spending time with Mike’s friend Todd, another Morrissey resident.
In a short time, this foursome became close. Life moved forward; marriages ensued, Todd moved to California, and the three others began raising families with their spouses in the Chicago suburbs. Families and careers grew demanding, relocations happened, and regular connection became harder. But once their nests began to empty and their kids started getting married, they became more intentional about staying close.
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
Eleanor Roosevelt
By the time I joined the mix, they’d been friends for about 40 years, and their wives had been hanging out for nearly as long. I met most of them less than two months after my first date with Mark and was immediately put at ease by Kevin and Todd’s wives, both named Nancy. They took genuine interest in me and my boys and welcomed me warmly despite our different parenting stages and my 7-year age gap with Mark.
Since that first meeting, I’ve joined them for weddings, Notre Dame tailgates, and countless meals. I’ve loved seeing this foursome, occasionally joined by a few other ND friends, continue to deepen their bond when many adult men struggle to maintain long-term friendships. I wrote about that struggle in a post on Billy Baker’s 2021 book, We Need to Hang Out, which explores the decline in male friendships, a trend amplified by the Covid-19 pandemic.
Baker highlights the importance of both long‑term friendships and the everyday connections with people who live nearby. Mark’s Notre Dame crew has managed to nurture both: they’ve gone from seeing each other once every few years to gathering several times a year, with text chains and phone calls filling the gaps.
At a time when so many men report feeling disconnected, Mark’s crew offers a counter‑example. Their friendship spans states, careers, marriages, and has lasted decades. Their story is proof that with intention, connection can last a lifetime.
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