Friends Across the Oceans

February will mark five years since the first Language of Friendship blog post, when Sara and I decided to write about friendship and its impact on our lives. With this anniversary approaching, I find myself reflecting on how valuable and diverse my friendships are. We make our first friends early in life, before we can articulate feelings well, when it seems more fun to play with toys alongside another preschooler than on our own.

Over time, friendships begin to take many forms. While some of the best are rooted in the pleasure we find in another person’s company, other friendships may be more contextual. Like the work friend that was a favorite lunchtime companion, whose move to a new job put that friendship on the back burner. Or the parent friends we meet through our kids, some of which don’t make it past the transition to high school.

But the friendships that stand the test of time are those that evolve and grow despite life changes. The friendship Sara and I have shared for more than 40 years is a testament to that, as we haven’t lived in the same state, let alone city, for more than 30 years. With intention, planning, and some help from favorable circumstances, Sara and I have managed to see each other at least a couple of times each year. But sometimes, other life circumstances can present challenges with friends we care about, especially when an ocean (or two) separates us from a friend.

True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.

Helen Keller

I’ve previously written about some of the au pairs our family hosted when my boys were small, and how these young women sometimes became the daughters I never had. As they’ve grown into successful adults, my relationships with a few of them have evolved into a deeper friendship as we relate more as equals. It meant so much that our former au pair Anja was able to attend my wedding to Mark in 2024, and now that she’s starting her career as a physician in Switzerland, I look forward to helping her celebrate her own future milestones.

While the boys and I have been fortunate to see Anja several times since she wrapped up her au pair year with us in 2016, our first au pair, Wanda, lives in Thailand. Visiting her has been challenging, and it has not been easy for her to get a visa to visit the United States. Following her return to Bangkok in 2008, it took several tries before she was granted a tourist visa and visited us in Glenview in 2011. The following year, I attended her wedding in Bangkok and looked forward to more visits over the years.

Somehow those years stretched into more than a decade. This week, we finally saw Wanda for the first time since November, 2012, thanks to her business trip to the United States. When she wrapped up her meetings in Minnesota a few days ago, she flew to Chicago and we’re enjoying our time catching up, swapping stories, and realizing our husbands’ shared love of cooking and gardening might make them fast friends.

Wanda will return to Thailand this week, but despite our busy lives and logistics, we’re already talking about our future visit there. I look forward to making new memories with Wanda and her family. When Wanda first arrived at our house all those years ago, none of us could have imagined the joy and value this friendship has given us over time and across the oceans.