Feeling Seen

Since last spring I’ve been helping my 18-year-old son navigate the college admissions journey. In many ways, I’m better equipped than most parents since I’ve worked for and with universities, so I know a lot about the vagaries of the admissions process. 

However, those same qualifications created a bit of hubris in the approach I took with my son. My attempts to help him understand that rejections from some schools he was well qualified for didn’t reflect his worthiness as a candidate just added to his frustrations. Not only were these colleges not valuing him, but his own mother was not validating his experience and profound disappointment.

He didn’t tell me this, but I started seeing how I was just compounding his feelings of hurt. And then listening to a Hidden Brain podcast the other day called Relationships 2.0: The Price of Disconnection, helped me put his experience into words. My son was not feeling seen. He wasn’t feeling seen by the schools who sent impersonal letters of rejection, nor by his mom, who told him that the several schools he was accepted to were all very good options.  

Feeling seen by others is a profound human need that fosters connection and belonging. This recognition goes beyond physical visibility—it’s about being understood and valued for who we truly are. When others see us, it reinforces our sense of identity and strengthens our confidence in navigating the world.

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.

Brené Brown

When we feel seen by someone, we’re more likely to share openly, and have more trust in the relationship. In the Hidden Brain podcast, the host interviewed Johns Hopkins sociologist and researcher Allison Pugh, and she describes the power of connection as ‘magical.’

Being seen reminds us that we’re part of a community and that our experiences resonate with others. On a larger scale, listening to, and being present for others promotes empathy and belonging.

In a recent post I shared how a smile drawn on my coffee cup by a barista made me feel seen during an over-scheduled and snowy day. This small act of kindness inspired me to recognize what others I cross paths with may be experiencing. And it was an important reminder to be more present for my son.

He’s still a month or so away from settling on his college choice, but I’m working on validating his feelings as we navigate these final weeks. Hopefully that helps him feel as good about the college he chooses as I likely will. 😊