Parent Friends

Becoming a parent is an experience that forever changes the landscape of friendships. Before parenting, most of us make friends at school, work and through shared interests. But once the first child arrives, hobbies can become memories. And in my case, any time not commuting or at work was spent parenting and attempting to stay on top of laundry and bills. Sadly, friendships were often relegated to the occasional text or short phone call in the brief moments when one of my boys wasn’t crying.

When I finally moved my family from Chicago to suburban Glenview 13 years ago, the boys were at an age in which all of my free time revolved around their activities. Their days consisted of preschool, playgrounds, and AYSO or swim lessons, depending on the time of year. Between little free time and exhaustion, I wasn’t sure when and how I might make new friends in Glenview. Little did I know that my younger son Will would become the bridge to so many friends that years later have become deep connections.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What, you too? I thought I was the only one.’ “

C.S. Lewis

It wasn’t long before Will’s new preschool led to my first friend in Glenview, Jill, a friendship story I shared in an earlier blog post. Once we joined a church, I got to know Lumi, mom to a Sunday School classmate of Will’s. In first grade Will became a Cub Scout, and I found myself drawn to Shiva and Julie at Den meetings. In second and third grades, Heather and Jenny entered the picture, as I drove Will to jam sessions with Heather’s son, and ball games with Jenny’s.   

While these connections made through my son started as acquaintances, they managed to evolve into meaningful and lasting friendships. Our initial bonds were largely rooted in navigating different stages of childhood with our kids, realizing that we weren’t alone on this journey. But I went into these relationships a bit skeptical, reflecting a concern the clinical psychologist Seth Myers, Psy.D wrote about in Psychology Today, “…what happens to adult friendships when the kids’ friendships dissipate or end altogether?”

I never had any doubts about the strength of my friendships formed in young adulthood because they had nothing to do with something arbitrary like being a parent. We were bonded by a genuine appreciation for one another, and despite my eventual move to the suburbs, we still did what we could to stay connected.

What I did not expect from the parent friends I met, was how many of these friendships would endure and grow, despite my son’s ever shifting interests and friend groups. I was reminded of this just last weekend, when several friends I initially met through Will, joined my husband and I for cocktails on our patio. Here we were, comparing stories of teaching our now high-school aged kids to drive, sharing laughs, and a sense of gratitude for how these genuine bonds formed from our shared experience as parents.