If you were a teenager in the 1980s, chances are you were crushing on at least one of the members of the “Brat Pack,” that intriguing group of actors that kept showing up in the hottest movies of that time: The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles and St. Elmo’s Fire. Those movies are all classics now, with stars who became overnight sensations and are now established Hollywood names, including Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Mare Winningham, Anthony Michael Hall and Andrew McCarthy.
Some of these actors have been open about how becoming so famous so fast affected them personally. Andrew McCarthy, in particular, published a book a few years ago called Brat: An 80s Story about what those early years were like for him. He’s written a few other books too, one about his solo travels and another about a trip through Spain with his son. This week, he released his latest book called Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America.
I haven’t gotten my hands on the book to read it yet, but I did read the article McCarthy wrote about it in The Atlantic last week. The article highlighted the catalyst for the book, which was a comment his son had made about McCarthy not having any friends. That led him on a cross-country road trip to visit old friends to rekindle relationships that had withered over time because of long-distance and life circumstances. He discusses his adventures within the context of the loneliness epidemic in the United States that we have written often about here. I’m interested in reading about McCarthy’s experiences and also learning his perspective on the subject of male friendship.
“My self-induced isolation was diminishing my life, making me into a smaller man. At one point my friends had been instrumental in broadening my horizons, bolstering my courage, providing safe harbor. But were those dear friends even still there?”
—Andrew McCarthy
I often find myself thinking about my relationships with far-flung friends. In fact, Julia and I have talked extensively about this subject since we started the Language of Friendship. Distance and life circumstances have definitely impacted our relationship over the years, as it has with many of my long-term friendships.
It has been my experience that when I make the effort to see a dear friend that I haven’t seen in a long time, I usually find that we pick right up where we left off. I would encourage anyone to reach out to an old friend if you happen to be in their neck of the woods. Most likely, they’ll feel flattered that you are still thinking of them. You may even be surprised by how strong your connection remains, despite the ravages of time and distance. I’m curious to read whether this was McCarthy’s experience too.
Language of Friendship 
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