When Friends Experience Loss

This week I unexpectedly attended two funerals. The first was for the 88-year-old father of a close college friend. Her father was a very successful businessman, who had found time to call his daughter daily. She will certainly miss him dearly. The second funeral was for the 23-year-old daughter of a local friend. When illness and death strike a young person, it feels cruel and unfair.

As an unavoidable part of the life cycle, death has always been and will always be a given, yet we are never ready to say goodbye to those who mean the most to us. Everyone deals with death in their own way, on their own timetable. Grief is complicated and painful, but it is an inescapable part of the human experience.

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I’d choose grief.

–William Faulkner

At both funerals this week, my heart ached for my friends. I know they will experience deep grief from their losses. When our friends experience this type of suffering, it is difficult to know how to provide help and support. So, what can we do when someone close to us is grieving? While there is no quick fix, experts say connection itself can go a long way toward helping a friend through some of life’s darkest moments.

There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am not sure how helpful I can be for my friends, but I will at least try by showing up, listening and helping them remember their loved ones. In both cases, I have supported the causes they designated that meant something to them at this time. And, I will continue to check on them and to remind them to lean on their communities. Their loved ones would want them to go on living the best way they can.