Finding Home

Although living in one area for the past several decades has helped me to build and sustain many local friendships over time, I was reminded by a recent dinner with a friend I met in Germany more than 30 years ago that lasting bonds can be formed in a relatively short time.

When I moved to Germany in early 1992 for a year-long internship at a manufacturing company, I soon discovered that my German skills were insufficient for meaningful conversations. I vacillated between feeling incredibly lonely and embarrassed by my rudimentary German.

I had found a living situation near the university in Wuerzburg that had sponsored my stint in Germany. This meant commuting 40 minutes to work by train each day, which confused my German colleagues who couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to live closer to the office. But I felt that the business students at the university in Wuerzberg had the potential to become true friends.

The absence of the internet, not to mention TV shows in English, compounded loneliness with boredom and forced me out of my small apartment. In addition to language classes a couple of evenings a week, I started showing up Monday nights at the local pub where the university student members of the AIESEC club that sponsored my exchange, had their Stammtisch. The idea of a Stammtisch is that a certain spot on a certain day of the week is unofficially reserved for a group of regulars. I knew that on any given Monday evening, I’d find a handful of AIESEC club members willing to welcome me into their group, patiently tolerating my halting German language skills.

To have another language is to possess a second soul.

Charlemagne

With time, my German improved. I eventually met Frank who shared that his close friend and fellow university student Uli had an American girlfriend Kris who’d recently moved to Germany. He and another AIESEC student Dorothee began inviting me to gatherings. By that summer, I had filled much of my free time with this fun group of friends.  

When Frank joined my family for dinner this week in our Glenview home on his recent visit to the Chicago area, it had been at least a decade since we’d last spent time together. In that span of time, I had divorced, moved houses, switched jobs, remarried, and raised my young boys to become the tall, mature teens they now are. Frank’s life had also moved forward. Spending time with him again made me feel deeply appreciative of his patience and understanding for maintaining our friendship throughout this busy time of life for both of us.

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.

Rumi 

Time with Frank also reminded me that feeling at home isn’t just about physical space; it’s about building connections, embracing the unknown, and allowing yourself to adapt.